I think there is a possibility that I could surprise myself and go through with suicide in the future. Something would have to happen. Like give me a good enough reason to do it and years of letting my brain rot, and I think it could happen. Cause I don’t think I have any reasons now. I’m just sad because??? I don’t know! I want to be dead. Why?? I do not know!! I think I have convinced myself that I want to die because I’m a little sad and living is inconvenient and I’m lazy and I never grew up and I think dying would solve all of my “problems.” Dramatics theatrics attention the fact that I’m actually an awful selfish person. Like when I would misbehave cry and throw tantrums, and this would displease my mother, and she would tell me, I’m going to give you something real to cry about before hitting me. I need a reason to kill myself, I think, for it to be real. Might make it easier, too.